The Abilene Paradox, with a Spiritual Reframe!
How we can avoid "going to Abilene" and communicate from our Higher Consciousness.
The Abilene Paradox is a term that comes from our corporate team building days. It's used to describe collective groupthink, in which a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that’s counter to the preferences of most or even all group members. Each member mindlessly believes they are agreeing with the preferences of most of the others. Members mistakenly believe that their own preferences are counter to the group's, and therefore don’t raise objections so they’re still accepted by the group. Essentially they state support for an outcome they don’t want, and when everyone is mindlessly agreeing, the end result is a decision no one really wants nor supports. It happens in daily life more than we realize!
The Story That Birthed the Abilene Paradox Concept
The term "Abilene Paradox" was introduced by management consultant Jerry B. Harvey in his 1974 article The Abilene Paradox: The Management of Agreement. The name of the phenomenon comes from an anecdote that Harvey actually experienced, and shared in the article to explain the paradox. We've summarized the story here (as told in first person by Harvey, who is the "I" in the story):
On a sweltering hot, dust-storm laden afternoon in Coleman, Texas, my extended family is playing dominoes on our porch, when my father-in-law suggests we all take a 50-mile trip to Abilene for dinner at the cafeteria. I think to myself, "What? Get in a hot car with no air conditioning, drive through this heat and dust storm, just to eat in a cafeteria 50 miles away?" -- but my wife says, “Sounds like a great idea.” So, despite having reservations because the drive is sooo long and hot, I keep peace with the family by saying, “Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go.” My mother-in-law then chimes in, “Of course I want to go. I haven’t been to Abilene in a long time.” So we all pile into the hot car and take off!
The drive is very hot, dusty, and long. Unfortunately, when we arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad as the drive. When we get back home 4 hours later, we’re hot, sticky, and exhausted.
Someone says (with a lot of sarcasm), “Well, that was a great trip, wasn’t it?” My mother-in-law exclaims that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other family members seemed so enthusiastic. I speak up and agree, saying “I wasn't particularly delighted to take such a long trip. I only went to satisfy the rest of you.” My wife adds, “I just went along to keep you happy. I would’ve had to be crazy to actually want to go out in the heat like that.” My father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others were bored. He didn't really want to go anywhere!
We all just looked at each other, perplexed and dumbfounded that we had agreed to take a trip that none of them wanted. To a person, each exclaimed that they would have preferred to sit comfortably at home, but didn’t admit that was their preference when they still had time to enjoy a comfortable afternoon at home.
When we use this story in a team building context, it's designed to help individuals recognize the value of sharing honest viewpoints, concerns, or preferences during a decision-making process. The result is the creation of a brief phrase "Are we going to Abilene here?" -- as a way to quickly check the pulse of the group and create a safe opening for someone to share a minority opinion.
Common phrases to describe "Abilene Paradox" are: a desire to “not rock the boat,” “maintain the status quo,” “go with the flow,” and “avoid making waves.” Since this whole scenario represents group members jointly deciding on a course of action that they wouldn’t normally choose as individuals, we refer to it amusingly as ‘Babble-lene (referencing the Biblical Tower of Babble, described in Genesis 11:1-9
An Example of The Abilene Paradox in a Spiritual Community
So, what does this have to do with our spirituality? Let's begin by looking at your behaviors when you are in a group that is focused on spirituality. Think about times when you've felt concerns or had different viewpoints from the group relating to your spiritual beliefs and practices, but were hesitant to bring them up. You may remain silent, or (like the elephant trying to fit in with zebras in the illustration), you say what you think people want to hear so you'll fit in. You're "going to Abilene!"
We've seen more than one Board in a church setting filled with people going to Abilene -- everyone agreeing on a course of action—but when the action resulted in an unsuccessful outcome, everyone is suddenly willing to share how they had concerns but thought since everyone else was in favor, they should go along -- be a team player. The same thing can happen in Spiritual communities, when someone is working through the process of letting go of old beliefs and languaging, but the community does not support it.
Let's dive even deeper in the MetaSpiritual interpretation!
On a MetaSpiritual level, the Abilene Paradox can be seen as a reflection of our inner conflicts and the dissonance between our true selves and the personas we project to the world. It challenges us to examine the spiritual cost of conformity and the fear of authenticity. Here are some ways the Abilene Paradox manifests spiritually:
- Loss of Authenticity (or, as we say in our Core abilities, Authentegrity) -- Spiritually, the paradox represents the loss of connection with our true selves. When our thoughts, feelings, and choices don't resonate with our Inner Truth, we drift away from our spiritual path, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. We may even fnd ourselves in a "cul-de-sac" of experiencing old issues we thought we'd risen above. A clue that this is occuring is if you hear yourself say to yourself, "Why am I going through this experience again?"
- Fear of Rejection -- The fear of being ostracized or judged by others can lead us to suppress our true desires and beliefs. This fear is a spiritual barrier that prevents us from expressing our authentic selves and fulfilling our soul's purpose. This becomes particularly difficult when our beliefs are very different from our family of origin and close friends. We find ourselves pondering the risks of keeping the relationship at the expense of what we believe -- or standing firm in our beliefs at the expense of losing lifelong relationships.
- Collective Consciousness -- On a broader scale, the Abilene Paradox highlights the impact of collective consciousness. When groups make decisions that don't align with individual truths, it creates a ripple effect that can lead to spiritual stagnation and a lack of growth within the spiritual community. When everyone blindly agrees, there's no reason to have a group of people! When we live at a level that's out of alignment with your Truth, it affects your vibration level -- and impacts the energy you are sending out. This affects Collective Consciousness as well.
How to Avoid the Abilene Paradox
Once you are aware of the Abilene Paradox, you can notice pretty quickly when you are using it! You recognize the feelings of being out of sync, disconnected with your Truth, and inner turmoil of not being true to your beliefs.
Here are a few mindful actions to help you overcome the impact of the Abilene Paradox, so you can rise to a whole new level of awareness in the Field of Infinite Potential and experience a higher vibration in your life!
- Meditation and Reflection: You knew we'd recommend meditation, didn't you? We encourage you to choose one of your favorite meditation techniques, and use it as an opportunity to reflect on how willing you are to speak your truth, versus your desire to "go to Abilene" to ensure you fit in and are accepted. Listen to the guidance that comes from your Higher Self during your meditation and reflection.
- Cultivate Self-Awareness: Continue to update and tweak your Credo (which is a description of what you believe); journal regularly to recognize where you are in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Begin to notice when and where you compromise your spiritual values -- be aware of where, who is involved, why, and how.
- Embrace Authenticity (Authentegrity): Practice expressing your true thoughts and feelings, even in the face of potential rejection. Authenticity is a powerful spiritual practice that aligns you with your higher self.
- Nurture your skills of Open Communication: Develop your listening skills, your ability to have courageous conversations to express your opinions and beliefs, and empathy for the views and feelings of others. Make it a priority to contribute to the safe space within a group so people feel welcomed and able to speak freely.
- Continue to Question Unquestioned Answers: Start with yourself, questioning what you truly believe and why. Be open to recognize your own confirmation biases and cognitive dissonance. Welcome curiosity, and explore creative options. Learn to ask open-ended questions that encourage discussion and lay the fertile soil for new ideas to take root and grow.
- Involve Yourself in Spiritual Growth and Enrichment: Engage with spiritual mentors or communities that support your journey towards authenticity and alignment. Their insights can provide clarity and strength in your own spiritual journey. (Shameless Plug: We highly recommend our GCSA Community, as well as our mentoring & coaching groups!)
When you think about it, the Abilene Paradox serves as a spiritual mirror, reflecting the inner conflicts and societal pressures that challenge our authentegrity and Spiritual growth. By recognizing its impact and actively seeking alignment with our true selves, we can transcend the Paradox and embark on a more fulfilling, enriching spiritual journey, as together we walk the Spiritual path on positive, practical, prosperous feet!
